in the dumb videos we had to watch for CPR training during staff week, they said about three million times that you're supposed to continue doing all the life saving stuff until help arrives, or you are "too tired to continue." the instructors would tell us after every one that it isn't your fault if you get exhausted and have to stop. i asked them HOW in the world are we supposed to not hate ourselves the rest of our lives if we give up trying to save someone just because we're tired? but they said as long as we've done all we can do, we wouldn't be doing any more good to keep trying anyways. i still wasn't happy with that answer, but i've never had to actually use CPR on someone, so i'm okay for now.
the point of that story? sometimes camp is like CPR.
i was so tired this week. my girls weren't bad, they loved me and wanted to do what i told them, but it was a bad mix of crazy personalities, whiners, and a stage five clinger. that adds up to a very out of control cabin. since it was a full week, unit 3 had to be open and my CIT was taken away from me and put out there, so the only time i had help was meals and cabin capers and bedtime when my staffer wasn't at the pool or the lake or the rock wall. basically i was by myself with a bunch of girls who ALL wanted my attention at once, ALL were busy talking to each other all the time, and ALL had two billion questions per hour. i was physically drained from the girl who insisted on leaning her head on my shoulder everywhere we walked, mentally drained from the girl who every two seconds asked where our staffer was and the cousins who picked on each other all day every day, and emotionally drained from trying to be everything for my girls while not letting other things distract me.
needless to say i didn't have much to give to anyone.
by thursday, i was getting sick from not sleeping or eating much and being so stressed out all the time. i felt terrible in every possible way and i was SO frustrated with myself for being tired, because i don't get tired. not much at least, and when i do, i don't notice it because i love camp so much. but this week all i wanted was for friday to come so my girls would leave. and i hate weeks when i feel like that. when i was finally getting ready for bed that night, i told my roommate how bad i had needed a break all day(little things had come up here and there so that the only break i got was the campers' rest time, which wasn't actual rest for me because my girls would NOT hush or stay on their beds), and she asked why in the world i hadn't asked her for help. i told her it wasn't good that i was tired and i didn't want to actually SAY i was tired. and she said "but it's okay to be tired! it's not okay to try to keep going when you're that tired. you need to rest." then for some reason that CPR video popped in my head, and i thought, i'm not doing any good for my girls when i'm exhausted and frustrated with them. i always feel like i'm wasting time i could be spending with them when i take time off, but when i'm that tired i wouldn't be able to do anything anyways...so i may as well rest.
(really we're supposed to be regularly taking breaks so that we won't ever be "too tired to continue" as i'm now saying all the time...i'm trying to get better at that now)
so i was reminded this week that i can't, and am not supposed to, do everything for everyone every day.
but. even with all the crazy kids and stupid staff drama, i came out with my favorite "most amazing camper story" of my whole five years. it's so monumental that i'm making a separate post of it after i finish this one.
as far as lighthearted camper stories go, i do have a few.
1. i had a girl in my cabin who was a little slow. she gave us a lot of laughs this week but my favorite would be when erin P and holli walked up on stage to lead worship on monday night. chloe looks at holli, points to erin, and asks me "is that her daughter?"
2. we were walking past the golf cart on our way back to the cabin, and one of my girls asks me why we have a golf cart when no one here plays golf. another one of them says "golf is a sport for rich guys with too much time on their hands."
3. written in one of my camper essays: "i made new friends through Christ, because i was lonely the first day, but then Christ told me 'go ahead, make new friends but keep the old', so i did."
what can you pray for?
REST. energy. motivation. i should not be this burnt out two weeks in!! i'm frustrated as all get out with myself, and i don't like that.
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