this week also had our first mother-daughter camp! i was more excited for it than i've ever been for one before. usually i'm not a fan of them, but this year i was actually looking forward to having older-than-me campers.
at dinner one of my moms asked me what my major was, and when i said youth ministry, she said "oh, i'll bet camp is good preparation for that!"
what?
i was seriously thrown. i've never thought of it that way. if anything, my major is good preparation for camp, not the other way around. in my classes, i've never imagined using what i learn in any other situation.
that night i was laying in bed thinking, in one of those moods where i'm annoyed at how much i love camp and how i can't see myself anywhere else. because realistically, i HAVE to find something else to do with my life someday. so i asked God why the heck he can't give me another passion. and he brought my mind back to this story, which happened thursday night.
this is that amazing camper story of the week that i referenced in my last post.
in all but one of my "bad groups" as i call them, there's always one girl who makes the whole week worth it. this week God gave me one who taught me something by having me teach it to her.
madeleine is nine going on nineteen, and is one of those little genius campers who has a crazy wise-beyond-her-years answer for everything. despite the fact that it took an hour every day with all the girls interrupting to ask about swim time or throw their stuffed animals around, i still looked forward to Bible study because madeleine had the best things to say. thursday, we were talking about the people who taught us about God, and then the girls had to list one or two people that they can teach about God. madeleine raised her hand and asked me "have you ever been talking to someone, you know like about Jesus, and they asked you a question, and you just started answering, even though you didn't know what you were saying?" i was VERY confused...and she went on "you know, like the words are coming out of your mouth but it feels like it's not even you talking? you just know they're true, almost like God is putting the words in your head?"
yes i have...but i was seventeen the first time that happened, not nine.
i told her that that was God speaking through her, and that's how he sometimes uses us to tell people things. she started laughing(in the same way i do when i start realizing big truths) and she says "but that's just so cool! i mean i'm only nine, but God can still use me! isn't that cool?"
yes it is. that's why i love my job; a few hours later God used her to talk to me just like that.
that night during their decision service(which i usually hate because little kids don't get what it's for; all their "decisions" are either what they think their cabin leader or buddy wants them to write, or just something emotionally pushed), madeleine called me over to her. she had her decision card and pen in her hands, and she said "i just...i know God wants me to do SOMETHING. and i know it's really important. but i don't know WHAT that is...it's really confusing." as i usually feel on decision nights, i didn't know what to say to her. but she went on, "i know it sounds crazy since i'm just a kid, and i don't know how to explain it but i just KNOW God's trying to tell me something! how do i find out what it is? or is it really not God since i don't know?" and i told her that God has a plan for all of us, but sometimes he doesn't tell us all of the plan at once. sometimes he gives us little glimpses at a time, and as we trust in each little bit, he reveals more and more of it. but if we wait to see the whole plan before we trust him, we'll be waiting forever.
no one had ever told me that before. i hadn't heard it or read it or thought of it anywhere. the words just came out of my mouth like madeleine talked about in Bible study. and they were the words i'd needed to hear for five months.
she looks at me and says "okay...so you mean that right now, God is telling me to trust him? that he does have a plan and it's just not time for me to know all of it yet?" i said yes, she just needed to keep listening and waiting, and do whatever she could while she waited. it's okay to not know everything, because God knows it all anyways.
God's words again. not mine.
sweet little always-follows-the-rules asked "so what do i write on my card then?" i laughed and told her maybe her decision could be to say yes to God as soon as he tells her the next part of that plan.
ok now we're here. back in my room asking God what in the world i'm supposed to do with my life other than camp.
i laid there and kept thinking, and i thought about what i had said to madeleine about not knowing the whole plan at once. how we can't doubt that we're on the right path just because we can't see the end of it. and i knew that whatever is around the next turn, camp is the right path for now. whatever else there is, i'll be just as excited about that when God shows it to me as i am about camp.
and i've known the next step towards whatever that is for a while, i've just been too scared to admit it because it involves a lot more school after undergrad. but...i promised madeleine...so i have to trust God. just like i did when i changed my major(which i also had[still have] no idea why he told me to do, but did it anyways because i knew i had heard him right).
since it's not totally related to camp, i'll share the rest of this story on my regular life blog a little later.
but seriously. camp is my life right now. whatever else God has in mind must be pretty darn awesome. no matter how hard i try i can't imagine doing anything else. and as much as i keep saying "that's a bad thing," i really don't believe that. most people think it's a bad thing because they don't get that this isn't just a fun summer job, and i understand their point. but i've already written about that here and a little bit at the end of this.
anyways, after that tangent...
this was also a really special week for a lot of reasons.
my last year as a camper, in 2007, i came the same dates as this week(june 18-22).
that thursday, june 21st was the day that God officially called me to work at camp.
this thursday, also a june 21st, God made another official decision for me
then this saturday the 23rd was my seventh spiritual birthday.
what a week. i don't think it was any coincidence that God waited until now to clue me in on some stuff.
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