heard a rumor that the end is near, but i just got comfortable here.
God called me away for a while this week. i didn't like the idea at first, but it turned out to be just what i needed.
i've been putting too much on myself this summer. i needed to be reminded that camp does not NEED me. God WANTS me there, but he could do it without me. as i said in this post from week 2, i got too tired to continue, but i was still pushing it, and the harder i tried to keep going, the more defeated i felt and the less i was able to do. it was finally one of those moments where God steps in and whispers, "you've done enough. let me take over for a little while."
it was hard, but i did it. and now i'm totally recharged and ready for the next two weeks.
but the more i say that, the more it sinks in: we have two more weeks. two more weeks. that's it. two weeks. ten camp days, twelve days together, fourteen calendar days, and we are done.
i'm not okay with that. where did our time go? just yesterday i woke up in cabin 4, got dressed and went out to the unit 1 flagpole with all the staff complaining about the ghost in cabin 3's shower, right? there can't be only two more weeks.
i know i'm coming back next year; God assured me of that by week 2. that's not what makes me sad.
this staff will never be together again. yes, plenty of us will come back next year, lots of us will keep in touch, we'll meet up at each other's schools sometimes, but we'll never all be working together again.
i'm not ready to let go of this yet.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
week 6: good sad and bad sad/my soul needs a nap.
well. someone prayed for me, because this was my favorite minicamp i've ever had.
when we don't have a full camp(which is usually), we have to close certain cabins and assign their staffers to float in other cabins. mine was closed this week, so i got to help out in my favorite wonderful cabin 5. and as much as i love being a cabin leader, it's always good to have a break and be second in command for a while.
our girls were perfect. i bawled this morning when they left. every one of them wants to come back for a week next year.
i was walking down the hill with our last four that had been called to leave, and one of them asked me "do you cry when every group leaves?" i said "don't tell the others, but no...i love all of them and i'm sad to see them go, but i don't actually cry very often." she said "well dang what are you carrying on for now? we aren't that special!" i looked at her and i said "yes you ARE!" she looked surprised, in a good way, and asked "really? wow..." and one of the others with her hugged me and said "well you're special too!" and i lost it again.
it's true that i don't cry for all my campers anymore(my first two summers i lost it over every group). and when i do now, there is a good kind and a bad kind.
the good kind is what i was today when two of my most special campers left. S and B are sisters and i had them in cabin 5 for mother-daughter minicamp in 2010. (then last year B came for a week, and S came for a mother-daughter overnight and then a few weeks later for a minicamp by herself)
okay pause. i'll get back to the good/bad sad thing but i have to talk about these girls a bit.
both S and B are two of the sweetest, most helpful kids you'll ever meet. they're great listeners but they do love to talk too. they're both really funny but in their own ways. they're crazy smart and seem way older than 9 and 11. they're the kind of campers who i wish could stay at camp and hang out with the staff on weekends.
anyways. these two have a great life outside of camp. last year when B left she said "i'm kind of sad to leave camp...but i can't wait to talk to my mom about it!" i know they're loved, they hear about Jesus at home, and they understand how special they are. this is an example of the good kind of sad. as much as i love them, and i'm sad to not get to see them for another year, i'm happy knowing they'll be okay until i see them again, and if for some reason they don't get to come back, i know they'll still be okay, and they'll remember how much i love them. i guess bittersweet is the right word for the "good sad."
the second kind of sad is actually sad. like the lost and hopeless kind of sad. see, there are some girls who, even if they don't outright tell you, you just know by the way they respond to you and to camp in general that they haven't gotten a lot of love. and when you send them home on friday, you don't know whether they'll be loved before they come back, if they come back at all.
this kind of sad is one of the worst feelings in the world. (for me, the day after Christmas and the first day of school combined would about sum it up) especially when you know for a fact that that child is going home to a place where they aren't shown how precious they are. when you see their parents come pick them up, and all you can think is, i've only known your child for five days and i love her to death, how can you have known her all her life and not care even a bit about her?
two weeks ago i had a "bad sad" last day, and i'm still worried about her. today, i'm thankful for my "good sad" feeling for S and B. i love those girls like crazy, but i'm glad that they were happy to be going home.
so my favorite story of the week obviously comes from them.
i was helping them and the other two girls from their church take their stuff to their van, and S and B come up on either sides of me with their arms around me. S says[note that she has the most adorable lisp] "we have a serious question for you." i said i had a serious answer. B says "can we adopt you?" i look back and forth between them at their big puppy eyes, and i said "well, i have to stay at camp for a few more weeks and then i'll be at school...so why don't i adopt yall instead?"
as S lost it and started giggling, B looks up and says "well, i don't want to make you feel bad, but we REALLY love our mom." i said "well i love my mom too! so i'll just adopt you and we'll work out visiting times."
S puts her hands on her hips and says in the most sarcastic tone a nine year old can work up, "you're a GROWNUP. you don't even see your mom every day! it just makes sense for you to be the one to get adopted."
by then we had gotten to their car and i had started crying again(B is too sensible to cry over leaving camp, but S had joined me with the waterworks), so we decided that the best deal we could work out was for them to come back to camp and me to be their mom away from home(S's idea), and if for some reason i didn't come to camp, we'd settle for being sisters in Jesus(B's idea).
so now i'm home for a few days, being an adult and taking care of school things now instead of in the two days i have between leaving camp and moving back in. besides that, i just need serious rest. so i'm getting some time with God and a mental vacation, then coming back strong for the last two weeks.
when we don't have a full camp(which is usually), we have to close certain cabins and assign their staffers to float in other cabins. mine was closed this week, so i got to help out in my favorite wonderful cabin 5. and as much as i love being a cabin leader, it's always good to have a break and be second in command for a while.
our girls were perfect. i bawled this morning when they left. every one of them wants to come back for a week next year.
i was walking down the hill with our last four that had been called to leave, and one of them asked me "do you cry when every group leaves?" i said "don't tell the others, but no...i love all of them and i'm sad to see them go, but i don't actually cry very often." she said "well dang what are you carrying on for now? we aren't that special!" i looked at her and i said "yes you ARE!" she looked surprised, in a good way, and asked "really? wow..." and one of the others with her hugged me and said "well you're special too!" and i lost it again.
it's true that i don't cry for all my campers anymore(my first two summers i lost it over every group). and when i do now, there is a good kind and a bad kind.
the good kind is what i was today when two of my most special campers left. S and B are sisters and i had them in cabin 5 for mother-daughter minicamp in 2010. (then last year B came for a week, and S came for a mother-daughter overnight and then a few weeks later for a minicamp by herself)
okay pause. i'll get back to the good/bad sad thing but i have to talk about these girls a bit.
both S and B are two of the sweetest, most helpful kids you'll ever meet. they're great listeners but they do love to talk too. they're both really funny but in their own ways. they're crazy smart and seem way older than 9 and 11. they're the kind of campers who i wish could stay at camp and hang out with the staff on weekends.
anyways. these two have a great life outside of camp. last year when B left she said "i'm kind of sad to leave camp...but i can't wait to talk to my mom about it!" i know they're loved, they hear about Jesus at home, and they understand how special they are. this is an example of the good kind of sad. as much as i love them, and i'm sad to not get to see them for another year, i'm happy knowing they'll be okay until i see them again, and if for some reason they don't get to come back, i know they'll still be okay, and they'll remember how much i love them. i guess bittersweet is the right word for the "good sad."
the second kind of sad is actually sad. like the lost and hopeless kind of sad. see, there are some girls who, even if they don't outright tell you, you just know by the way they respond to you and to camp in general that they haven't gotten a lot of love. and when you send them home on friday, you don't know whether they'll be loved before they come back, if they come back at all.
this kind of sad is one of the worst feelings in the world. (for me, the day after Christmas and the first day of school combined would about sum it up) especially when you know for a fact that that child is going home to a place where they aren't shown how precious they are. when you see their parents come pick them up, and all you can think is, i've only known your child for five days and i love her to death, how can you have known her all her life and not care even a bit about her?
two weeks ago i had a "bad sad" last day, and i'm still worried about her. today, i'm thankful for my "good sad" feeling for S and B. i love those girls like crazy, but i'm glad that they were happy to be going home.
so my favorite story of the week obviously comes from them.
i was helping them and the other two girls from their church take their stuff to their van, and S and B come up on either sides of me with their arms around me. S says[note that she has the most adorable lisp] "we have a serious question for you." i said i had a serious answer. B says "can we adopt you?" i look back and forth between them at their big puppy eyes, and i said "well, i have to stay at camp for a few more weeks and then i'll be at school...so why don't i adopt yall instead?"
as S lost it and started giggling, B looks up and says "well, i don't want to make you feel bad, but we REALLY love our mom." i said "well i love my mom too! so i'll just adopt you and we'll work out visiting times."
S puts her hands on her hips and says in the most sarcastic tone a nine year old can work up, "you're a GROWNUP. you don't even see your mom every day! it just makes sense for you to be the one to get adopted."
by then we had gotten to their car and i had started crying again(B is too sensible to cry over leaving camp, but S had joined me with the waterworks), so we decided that the best deal we could work out was for them to come back to camp and me to be their mom away from home(S's idea), and if for some reason i didn't come to camp, we'd settle for being sisters in Jesus(B's idea).
so now i'm home for a few days, being an adult and taking care of school things now instead of in the two days i have between leaving camp and moving back in. besides that, i just need serious rest. so i'm getting some time with God and a mental vacation, then coming back strong for the last two weeks.
Friday, July 20, 2012
week 5: crazy love.
well. this was officially the worst week of the summer.
my girls were wonderful.
my adventure rec group was AMAZING.
but i missed all of that because i was all alone in the infirmary and not allowed to get up or be near the campers.
instead of throwing a pity party, i'll tell you all the good stuff that i did get to be there for.
to anyone in my mccall group who's reading this, that Jesus-luv we talked about? every group of kids i was around at any time this week was showing it all over the place.
-my cabin was great! they were all my favorite age(five 4th graders and seven 5th graders), and they were best friends within about an hour. i kept getting the buddies mixed up because they had all made new friends so quick. two girls had come by themselves(most come in groups of two, some in threes), but pretty much instantly bonded with at least one other girl.
i guess it worked out for this to be the week i had to get sick; my girls loved each other too much to miss me too terribly.
-the girls in my adventure rec group were SO good. i'd never seen 3rd-6th graders enjoy debriefing so much, or bond so well as a team. they LOVED each other, in everything they did. on day 1 they learned each other's names right away. on day 2, i was told by one cabin leader that this one girl had felt left out in track groups, so for the first few minutes, i tried really hard in the first game or two to pull her in to the group. the girls caught on like *snaps fingers* that(that doesn't work when it's not in out loud conversation, does it?) and immediately started talking to her and praising her when she did something good. (then a few minutes later i was sent to the nurse so i don't know how they did the rest of the day)
i didn't get to see them on the ropes course on day 3, but on day 4 i got them all to myself.
i'm about to break into adventure rec lingo because i don't feel like thinking of normal human terms to translate into. bear with me.
we started out on the tension traverse. the girls were PERFECT spotters, not only were they totally focused, they were always encouraging each other, without me even telling them to first(usually i remind them before we start any element to be positive). Shy Girl had at first not wanted to go, but after a few people tried it(and most of them didn't make it all the way to the end), she said she wanted to try. she got up there, and made it less than halfway, but the other girls were so sweet to her the whole time; all i heard were constant calls of "we got you, you're doing good, you can do it!" and when she stepped off in the middle, one of our youngest was the first to say "you tried so hard! that was awesome!"
after everyone had gone that wanted to, Shy Girl asked if she could try again. normally we only let everyone have one chance on each thing, but we had a lot of extra time that day, and ALL the girls backed her up and said she should get to try, so i let her, and she made it all the way this time. she was so proud of herself, and when we were debriefing and got to the part where you say what was hard about the challenge, Shy Girl says "it was hard to get up and try first. but the second time was really easy because i knew everyone was there to help me!"
we moved onto the nitro crossing, and since they'd done so well on the first thing, i wanted to see how they'd do with what i call "acteen rules." normally with younger groups, i just let them try to swing across, and with acteens, i say if someone touches the ground, the whole team starts over.
so the first few girls make it across, and then it's Shy Girl's turn. she hits the ground. she looked really upset at first, but all the girls just go right back to the starting line without complaint, and one even says "it's okay, i wanted to go again anyways. now we all get another turn to swing!" and so they kept trying. others besides Shy Girl fell, and every time the ones who were real good at it happily went back and started over. but finally, over half the group had made it, and Shy Girl tried again, and fell again. the girls all went back and someone suggested that she go first, so that if she fell, it wouldn't be a big deal. all the others agreed but added positive things like how they all wanted her to make it. it took her two more tries but she finally did it, and she had the biggest smile, and all the girls got excited.
basically they just encouraged me whenever i got to be with them. watching them lift each other up and hearing what they learned from everything was so much fun and probably the best part of my week!
okay so...the bad.
i got sick. awful bad sick. it started sunday night. being as it was my birthday, i didn't wanna rain on everyone's parade and go to bed, since i can only turn 21 once, so i didn't bother telling anyone i didn't feel great. long story short, each day i felt worse and worse and kept on not telling anyone, until people started noticing that i was A)not smiling as much or moving as fast and 2)always wearing a hoodie even though it was 95 degrees out.
to make a long story short, i got worse and worse, people kept making me rest, i got some quality time with one of our missionaries when she took me to the doctor, i spent an entire day asleep in the nurse's office, then my girls left with me knowing next to nothing about any of them, and my week felt pretty much wasted.
but as you saw above, God still worked. which brings me to that boring part of each week's post where i think out loud about myself for a paragraph or two. feel free to skip over this and go straight to the prayer requests if you want. =]
all summer long, any time i've made any mistake, whether it's something tiny like forgetting to bring the essays to dinner on thursday night or being the last cabin to flags in the morning, or slightly bigger like two of my girls having a fight that i can't get them to fix or a homesick camper that won't respond to any of my usual tactics, i've freaked out and felt like everything's gonna fall apart.
i've forgotten the simple principle that made 2010 the perfect summer: camp is not about me. camp is about God; we're just his way of putting his love in it.
camp can function without me. yes, God wants me there and i want to be there, but any way that i mess up, God can very easily fix. nothing me or anyone else does wrong is going to destroy camp for anyone, as long as our hearts are in the right place. if i'm loving my girls in every little thing i do, then the other little things that i'm not great at don't matter.
so. for all of us, pray for strength and good rest. same old same old. week 6 is always a really hard week energy-wise. the last two weeks are always easier because it starts to hit us that we're leaving soon, so we get a sudden burst of let's-make-camp-extra-awesome spirit. but we should have that spirit every week, so pray that we can!
also. this week is when coed camps start. the first half of the week is a normal minicamp with just girls, but the guy staffers come on tuesday for their orientation, then the second half is coed minicamp when we'll work with the guys. things always get crazy for coed camp. the schedule changes up and the poor guys haven't been doing this all summer so they need a lot of help, so even if drama and distraction isn't a problem for us, we'll still need prayer. pretty much, just pray for everything to go smoothly, that everyone would focus on the campers as always, and for the guys to get adjusted quick.
and for me? well i'm still kind of sick. i'm on an antibiotic and getting better, but i'm still tired, so pray that i'm feeling 100% by monday so i don't have to fake being fun and energetic and in general caring about camp. aside from that, i'm never a fan of minicamps...i usually go into them with an attitude of "don't get attached, they'll only be here for 48 hours" which ensures lots of homesickness because who wouldn't want their mom when their cabin leader is only concerned with going through the motions and getting them out with as little emotion involved as possible? these girls deserve just as much of me as the ones who come for a week do. pray that i'll pour everything i can into them despite how hard it is to let go.
my girls were wonderful.
my adventure rec group was AMAZING.
but i missed all of that because i was all alone in the infirmary and not allowed to get up or be near the campers.
instead of throwing a pity party, i'll tell you all the good stuff that i did get to be there for.
to anyone in my mccall group who's reading this, that Jesus-luv we talked about? every group of kids i was around at any time this week was showing it all over the place.
-my cabin was great! they were all my favorite age(five 4th graders and seven 5th graders), and they were best friends within about an hour. i kept getting the buddies mixed up because they had all made new friends so quick. two girls had come by themselves(most come in groups of two, some in threes), but pretty much instantly bonded with at least one other girl.
i guess it worked out for this to be the week i had to get sick; my girls loved each other too much to miss me too terribly.
-the girls in my adventure rec group were SO good. i'd never seen 3rd-6th graders enjoy debriefing so much, or bond so well as a team. they LOVED each other, in everything they did. on day 1 they learned each other's names right away. on day 2, i was told by one cabin leader that this one girl had felt left out in track groups, so for the first few minutes, i tried really hard in the first game or two to pull her in to the group. the girls caught on like *snaps fingers* that(that doesn't work when it's not in out loud conversation, does it?) and immediately started talking to her and praising her when she did something good. (then a few minutes later i was sent to the nurse so i don't know how they did the rest of the day)
i didn't get to see them on the ropes course on day 3, but on day 4 i got them all to myself.
i'm about to break into adventure rec lingo because i don't feel like thinking of normal human terms to translate into. bear with me.
we started out on the tension traverse. the girls were PERFECT spotters, not only were they totally focused, they were always encouraging each other, without me even telling them to first(usually i remind them before we start any element to be positive). Shy Girl had at first not wanted to go, but after a few people tried it(and most of them didn't make it all the way to the end), she said she wanted to try. she got up there, and made it less than halfway, but the other girls were so sweet to her the whole time; all i heard were constant calls of "we got you, you're doing good, you can do it!" and when she stepped off in the middle, one of our youngest was the first to say "you tried so hard! that was awesome!"
after everyone had gone that wanted to, Shy Girl asked if she could try again. normally we only let everyone have one chance on each thing, but we had a lot of extra time that day, and ALL the girls backed her up and said she should get to try, so i let her, and she made it all the way this time. she was so proud of herself, and when we were debriefing and got to the part where you say what was hard about the challenge, Shy Girl says "it was hard to get up and try first. but the second time was really easy because i knew everyone was there to help me!"
we moved onto the nitro crossing, and since they'd done so well on the first thing, i wanted to see how they'd do with what i call "acteen rules." normally with younger groups, i just let them try to swing across, and with acteens, i say if someone touches the ground, the whole team starts over.
so the first few girls make it across, and then it's Shy Girl's turn. she hits the ground. she looked really upset at first, but all the girls just go right back to the starting line without complaint, and one even says "it's okay, i wanted to go again anyways. now we all get another turn to swing!" and so they kept trying. others besides Shy Girl fell, and every time the ones who were real good at it happily went back and started over. but finally, over half the group had made it, and Shy Girl tried again, and fell again. the girls all went back and someone suggested that she go first, so that if she fell, it wouldn't be a big deal. all the others agreed but added positive things like how they all wanted her to make it. it took her two more tries but she finally did it, and she had the biggest smile, and all the girls got excited.
basically they just encouraged me whenever i got to be with them. watching them lift each other up and hearing what they learned from everything was so much fun and probably the best part of my week!
okay so...the bad.
i got sick. awful bad sick. it started sunday night. being as it was my birthday, i didn't wanna rain on everyone's parade and go to bed, since i can only turn 21 once, so i didn't bother telling anyone i didn't feel great. long story short, each day i felt worse and worse and kept on not telling anyone, until people started noticing that i was A)not smiling as much or moving as fast and 2)always wearing a hoodie even though it was 95 degrees out.
to make a long story short, i got worse and worse, people kept making me rest, i got some quality time with one of our missionaries when she took me to the doctor, i spent an entire day asleep in the nurse's office, then my girls left with me knowing next to nothing about any of them, and my week felt pretty much wasted.
but as you saw above, God still worked. which brings me to that boring part of each week's post where i think out loud about myself for a paragraph or two. feel free to skip over this and go straight to the prayer requests if you want. =]
all summer long, any time i've made any mistake, whether it's something tiny like forgetting to bring the essays to dinner on thursday night or being the last cabin to flags in the morning, or slightly bigger like two of my girls having a fight that i can't get them to fix or a homesick camper that won't respond to any of my usual tactics, i've freaked out and felt like everything's gonna fall apart.
i've forgotten the simple principle that made 2010 the perfect summer: camp is not about me. camp is about God; we're just his way of putting his love in it.
camp can function without me. yes, God wants me there and i want to be there, but any way that i mess up, God can very easily fix. nothing me or anyone else does wrong is going to destroy camp for anyone, as long as our hearts are in the right place. if i'm loving my girls in every little thing i do, then the other little things that i'm not great at don't matter.
so. for all of us, pray for strength and good rest. same old same old. week 6 is always a really hard week energy-wise. the last two weeks are always easier because it starts to hit us that we're leaving soon, so we get a sudden burst of let's-make-camp-extra-awesome spirit. but we should have that spirit every week, so pray that we can!
also. this week is when coed camps start. the first half of the week is a normal minicamp with just girls, but the guy staffers come on tuesday for their orientation, then the second half is coed minicamp when we'll work with the guys. things always get crazy for coed camp. the schedule changes up and the poor guys haven't been doing this all summer so they need a lot of help, so even if drama and distraction isn't a problem for us, we'll still need prayer. pretty much, just pray for everything to go smoothly, that everyone would focus on the campers as always, and for the guys to get adjusted quick.
and for me? well i'm still kind of sick. i'm on an antibiotic and getting better, but i'm still tired, so pray that i'm feeling 100% by monday so i don't have to fake being fun and energetic and in general caring about camp. aside from that, i'm never a fan of minicamps...i usually go into them with an attitude of "don't get attached, they'll only be here for 48 hours" which ensures lots of homesickness because who wouldn't want their mom when their cabin leader is only concerned with going through the motions and getting them out with as little emotion involved as possible? these girls deserve just as much of me as the ones who come for a week do. pray that i'll pour everything i can into them despite how hard it is to let go.
Friday, July 13, 2012
week 4: over the hill.
this week wore me OUT. it's rare that i want to leave camp so badly, but i actually became one of those cabin leaders who crosses off each bit on the schedule as we do it, and draws big smileys and hearts around friday.
it was such an emotional roller coaster because half my girls loved each other and cried when they had to leave the new friends they made, and the other half were evil bullies to each other and cried because they hated camp.
i had an amazing adventure rec group and a horrible week of drama with the staff.
i had seven homesickers in one night, but had an incredible junior staffer helping me.
i had one camper who was a record-setting level of obnoxious, and another who made my list of best decision night stories.
so if you asked if i had a good week, i'd have no idea what to answer.
all i know is that thursday night was amazing.
one of my girls who's now going into sixth grade was in my cabin four years ago for mother-daughter minicamp. she was teeny tiny but now she's not only taller than me, i didn't even realize who she was until her mom, who i recognized right away, came in saying "i saw that her cabin leader's name was linda and i just had to come see if it was the same one!"
among this crazy cabin, this girl(who i'll call K) was my little ray of sunshine. it was hard to get in much time with her because i was usually either trying to reason with my HS girls or listen to the girl with the constant questions or comfort the one who for very stupid/unfair/just plain sad reasons was legally not allowed to see her dad.
if you've been reading my other posts, you've probably noticed some trends in my angel campers. they all are low maintenance, wise beyond their years, actually enjoy Bible study, and make some significant "decision" at the end of the week. and they understand that i love them even if they're there on a week where i have a ton of high maintenance campers to deal with. K was no exception.
thursday afternoon i finally got to sit with her at canteen for a while and talk to her. she asked me a lot about how i'm still working at camp after all these years, what i get to do and why i like it so much. she told me she wants to work here someday too.
then that night during decision time, she wrote on her card that she decided "to go into youth ministry." i took her aside to talk about it, and she said "well, i really don't know what i mean by it...i don't want to be a youth minister really...but i LOVE kids and i really love getting to work with them at church, and i know God wants me to do something where i get to teach kids about him."
at CIU every major has a big pet peeve or two. for us youth ministry majors, we HATE when people assume that we all want to be "youth ministers" someday. so i got to share with K how you can share Jesus with kids in SO many other ways than just working in a church. i told her how i still have no idea what exactly i want to do either; i'm confused on the little things but have no doubt about the big thing. she said "i think that's what i am too." i prayed with her, and when we were done she had the biggest smile on her face for the next hour. seeing girls get excited about God and his work is what my job is about. i'm not lazy or complacent for "doing the same old thing" every summer.
when it was time for lights out and devotions, i read one of my favorite pieces from His Princess. it's called "my princess, you are my gifted one" and while i thought it was perfect for K, i needed to hear it again for myself. it talks about how God gives all of us different gifts and passions and how he gave them to us to use for him. this is my favorite part of it.
you'll find it in that place in life that brings you the greatest joy, that place where your heart longs to be, that work your hands love to do.
i found my gift at camp. =]
summer is halfway over. we have five sessions left(three week camps and two minicamps). i'm so torn over how to feel about it. i'm kind of ready to be done with camp, but only because i'm so tired and i just had a hard week. i am NOT ready to leave my friends, and i'm definitely not ready to go back to school. i can't decide if it feels like the first half has gone by fast or slow. but whatever it is, i know we all need to start galatians 6:9ing. i don't know about everybody else, but i AM growing "weary in doing good" and really need to remember that harvest we're supposed to reap because i am totally ready to give up.
so for this next week, pray for us to keep our heads up, not get tired or discouraged, and lift each other up as we're all dragging.
it was such an emotional roller coaster because half my girls loved each other and cried when they had to leave the new friends they made, and the other half were evil bullies to each other and cried because they hated camp.
i had an amazing adventure rec group and a horrible week of drama with the staff.
i had seven homesickers in one night, but had an incredible junior staffer helping me.
i had one camper who was a record-setting level of obnoxious, and another who made my list of best decision night stories.
so if you asked if i had a good week, i'd have no idea what to answer.
all i know is that thursday night was amazing.
one of my girls who's now going into sixth grade was in my cabin four years ago for mother-daughter minicamp. she was teeny tiny but now she's not only taller than me, i didn't even realize who she was until her mom, who i recognized right away, came in saying "i saw that her cabin leader's name was linda and i just had to come see if it was the same one!"
among this crazy cabin, this girl(who i'll call K) was my little ray of sunshine. it was hard to get in much time with her because i was usually either trying to reason with my HS girls or listen to the girl with the constant questions or comfort the one who for very stupid/unfair/just plain sad reasons was legally not allowed to see her dad.
if you've been reading my other posts, you've probably noticed some trends in my angel campers. they all are low maintenance, wise beyond their years, actually enjoy Bible study, and make some significant "decision" at the end of the week. and they understand that i love them even if they're there on a week where i have a ton of high maintenance campers to deal with. K was no exception.
thursday afternoon i finally got to sit with her at canteen for a while and talk to her. she asked me a lot about how i'm still working at camp after all these years, what i get to do and why i like it so much. she told me she wants to work here someday too.
then that night during decision time, she wrote on her card that she decided "to go into youth ministry." i took her aside to talk about it, and she said "well, i really don't know what i mean by it...i don't want to be a youth minister really...but i LOVE kids and i really love getting to work with them at church, and i know God wants me to do something where i get to teach kids about him."
at CIU every major has a big pet peeve or two. for us youth ministry majors, we HATE when people assume that we all want to be "youth ministers" someday. so i got to share with K how you can share Jesus with kids in SO many other ways than just working in a church. i told her how i still have no idea what exactly i want to do either; i'm confused on the little things but have no doubt about the big thing. she said "i think that's what i am too." i prayed with her, and when we were done she had the biggest smile on her face for the next hour. seeing girls get excited about God and his work is what my job is about. i'm not lazy or complacent for "doing the same old thing" every summer.
when it was time for lights out and devotions, i read one of my favorite pieces from His Princess. it's called "my princess, you are my gifted one" and while i thought it was perfect for K, i needed to hear it again for myself. it talks about how God gives all of us different gifts and passions and how he gave them to us to use for him. this is my favorite part of it.
you'll find it in that place in life that brings you the greatest joy, that place where your heart longs to be, that work your hands love to do.
i found my gift at camp. =]
summer is halfway over. we have five sessions left(three week camps and two minicamps). i'm so torn over how to feel about it. i'm kind of ready to be done with camp, but only because i'm so tired and i just had a hard week. i am NOT ready to leave my friends, and i'm definitely not ready to go back to school. i can't decide if it feels like the first half has gone by fast or slow. but whatever it is, i know we all need to start galatians 6:9ing. i don't know about everybody else, but i AM growing "weary in doing good" and really need to remember that harvest we're supposed to reap because i am totally ready to give up.
so for this next week, pray for us to keep our heads up, not get tired or discouraged, and lift each other up as we're all dragging.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
true rest.
every other summer, i've dreaded this break. even back in the day when we only had 3 days off, it was awful: i'd leave my favorite place, and go home, where i would spend the time either alone and bored in my house, surrounded by people yelling in my house, or being pulled in 12 directions as all my friends begged to see me when all i wanted to do was sleep and write and maybe talk about camp(but everyone at home gets bored or irritated pretty quick when i do that).
but this year i got to rest. this week has been perfect. every day of it.
i rest by surrounding myself with people who love me and encourage me, writing, laughing, and being distracted from whatever has gotten me un-rested.
i've been with people i love all week long.
people recharge me. i cannot rest by myself. when i go on breaks during the week, i go crazy sitting in my cabin alone. i leave more stressed out than i was before.
in last saturday's post, i said my heart needed rest. rest from drama. rest from people needing me. i didn't need sleep; i needed to laugh, be around people besides nine year old girls, and just not think for a week. i don't need sleep as long as i'm free from all responsibility, so the following things definitely count as rest:
-staying up until 4:30 playing phase 10
-deep conversations at 7 am when we're awake because we're still on camp time
-a day at carowinds
-playing with fire
-wrestling on cara's trampoline
-videoing everything possible
-eating spaghetti and playing bananagrams at midnight
among other things.
we didn't think about camp. we didn't follow any schedule. we just ate all the time, laughed every five minutes, almost died, blew things up, tried to freeze our hands off, and tested our true friendship.
God gave me everything i needed, and now i'm totally ready to go back.
five more weeks. it feels like we've already been here for ten, but now i feel like i could do ten more if i needed to. =]
pray for us this week as we have an almost full camp again!!! and pray for me that i'll remember to keep resting during the week so i won't get so desperate for a break again. as much as i've loved spending time in the real world with camp people, i never like wanting to be away from camp. it's home. so pray that i'll get on the ball with my Jesus time, and ask people for help when i need it.
but this year i got to rest. this week has been perfect. every day of it.
i rest by surrounding myself with people who love me and encourage me, writing, laughing, and being distracted from whatever has gotten me un-rested.
i've been with people i love all week long.
people recharge me. i cannot rest by myself. when i go on breaks during the week, i go crazy sitting in my cabin alone. i leave more stressed out than i was before.
in last saturday's post, i said my heart needed rest. rest from drama. rest from people needing me. i didn't need sleep; i needed to laugh, be around people besides nine year old girls, and just not think for a week. i don't need sleep as long as i'm free from all responsibility, so the following things definitely count as rest:
-staying up until 4:30 playing phase 10
-deep conversations at 7 am when we're awake because we're still on camp time
-a day at carowinds
-playing with fire
-wrestling on cara's trampoline
-videoing everything possible
-eating spaghetti and playing bananagrams at midnight
among other things.
we didn't think about camp. we didn't follow any schedule. we just ate all the time, laughed every five minutes, almost died, blew things up, tried to freeze our hands off, and tested our true friendship.
God gave me everything i needed, and now i'm totally ready to go back.
five more weeks. it feels like we've already been here for ten, but now i feel like i could do ten more if i needed to. =]
pray for us this week as we have an almost full camp again!!! and pray for me that i'll remember to keep resting during the week so i won't get so desperate for a break again. as much as i've loved spending time in the real world with camp people, i never like wanting to be away from camp. it's home. so pray that i'll get on the ball with my Jesus time, and ask people for help when i need it.
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